Saturday, August 6, 2011

Diets and Duress

I am letting it all out there I suppose....
Because I had two pregnancies 6 weeks apart, I gained a huge amount of weight! Like 83 lbs. Yes that is REALLY a lot of extra weight. When I had Judah only 12 lbs came off, which was a little disheartening. I think weight is such a sensitive subject and with women especially it causes so many problems. And we all have our individual struggles... But I have found that it really does affect my confidence, which I usually have a pretty strong amount of but I find myself saying stupid things all the time about it, in ways of putting myself down because inside I feel like- if I say it, it hurts less than if I know you are thinking it anyway.
It has been 7 months and 1 week since I had Judah and I have lost 53 lbs. I only have 30 to go. I am already starting to feel like myself again, which makes me really excited! But it really has been difficult. I have been on a very strict diet lately and I DREAM about breaking the diet and eating chocolates and brownies and every kind of junk food that you can imagine. It is funny because there is a Dairy Queen commercial on right now and every time(I am not exaggerating) it comes on I holler "noooo...not the Nutter Butter Milk Shake"
I have also started a list of all the foods I want to eat when I can start putting normal foods on the menu again.
Here are a few of them

Homemade Ice Cream Cake
Pizza(of course)
Homemade Fudge
Chocolate Chip Cookies
California Tart Frozen Yogurt with Gummy Bears(yes I am still a little kid)
Chocolate Covered Strawberries
Pot Roast and Mashed Potatoes
Fresh Baked Rolls with Cinnamon Honey Butter(like the kind at Texas Roadhouse)
Double Stuffed Oreos and Milk
Homemade Cream Puffs Dipped in Chocolate
Raisin Bran-(yeah weird)

If that wasn't enough I made a notebook and decorated it and inside are all the recipes I want to try out for the holiday season this year! I think I might be addicted to sugar....It is amazing how we can become so use to certain foods. One of my mission companions reminded me of how I used to eat spoonfuls of cookie dough for breakfast every morning.(and what is funny I was the skinniest I ever been(except in one area I gained a little, but I lost it all when I transferred out of that area, and I maintained that weight until I got pregnant!) My body just knows how to use sugar really well.....Until I have babies and have to gain weight. I am hoping to make some changes so that I don't end up gaining so much next time. and we plan on not having two babies that close together again : ) Being overweight just makes me more tired more often and I don't feel all that great about myself(I realize that what we are is not based on what we look like, but I think that when we are our best selves on the INSIDE and the OUTSIDE it makes a good combination)
I would like to be back to how I like myself to be. And it is in view. Wish me luck!
(I hope you guys read this more as a funny post than anything else, it is so much harder to convey tone for me when writing.)
I guess what I want to leave most of all is to never give up on anything you want to do! If you keep trying and trying you will get there but it may take some pain and a little sacrifice...


Lisa said...

I love that recipe book you made and the name of it too. I have gotten as far as printing off some recipes for my recipe book! Haha! So how long are you on this diet for? Until Christmas time?

Tami P said...

So, what does your diet consist of? If it is helping you lose that much weight I may want to try something similar. I have been thinking the same way about my image lately. The funny thing is I think I have only gained a few pounds since getting married, but it is still enough to change the way one thinks about themselves. Your post still made me giggle; especially the yelling at the TV part ;)

Collette Mae said...

Girl I know what you mean, when I'm dressed awful or have a bad hair day or am wearing shorts (super white skin) I always have to point it out. It's like "hey hah look this is gross not you don't have to talk about it." Although I don't know anyone who ever said anything about your weight, you and your kids are so beautiful I don't think anyone even noticed. Honestly. Good luck though... being healthy is always a great goal. :)

.Chrissy said...

Lisa-thanks! and luckily I will be done with the whole diet drama in October.
Tami-I am cheating....I am on hcg. I know a lot of people say bad things about it, but if you don't cheat on it(and I have not cheated) then you can lose the weight and keep it off. But I needed to get out of my weight slump and I have a lot more than a few pounds to lose. and yeah it doesn't help that I LOVE watching the food network show too!
Collette- Thank you! You are so sweet! and yeah it's like I know I shouldn't say it right when it comes out! terrible haha and you are beautiful too! I love looking at your blog pics!

Kyrstin said...

I'm sure those cookies we gave you really helped!! Haha sorry I had no idea you were on a diet!! You look great! And your blog is so cute! It makes me want to do more things to mine!

Lisa Wolf Smith said...

Totally having the same experience (minus the weight loss) since having my baby- it can really eat away at your confidence! Way to go- keep it up!

.Chrissy said...

Lisa- yeah it is really rough, when they say having kids is a sacrifice, they definitely mean it and there are different ways that that comes true.